Summer Budget plans exposed

George Osborne’s rough notes for his summer Budget speech were recently retrieved from a litter bin in No.11 Downing Street. The scribblings – in green permanent marker on a Pom-Bear packet – are presented below.

• Avoidance: act all “grrrrrrrr” about it (but be “meh”).
   
• CGT: more changes to entrepreneurs’ relief. Improvise here.
   
• Pensions: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
   
• IHT: check 8 July’s Daily Mail for policy.
   
• Industry: spurious tax break for boat builders, for sake of “rudderless Labour” gag.
   
• Welfare: have IDS re-redefine poverty level as lower than annual earnings of a centaur.
   
• BBC: extra levy on listening to Chris Evans’s Radio 2 breakfast show. (“Cloth-ears supertax”.)
   
• Non-doms: the people whose newspapers will critique this Budget.
   
• Repeat, “Austerity is working”. (Note to self: austerity isn’t working.)

There then follows a crude drawing of the chancellor’s head on a “squillion pound note”.