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Whistleblower
THAT CONFIDENTIAL MEMO that was accidentally left in the photocopier, the e-mail sent 'Reply all' by mistake — they all make their way to Whistleblower. Or so he says ...
The first in an occasional series of doubtful disclosures.
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
From: IR Share Schemes
To: All offices
Subject: Forms 42
Whistleblower
THAT CONFIDENTIAL MEMO that was accidentally left in the photocopier, the e-mail sent 'Reply all' by mistake — they all make their way to Whistleblower. Or so he says ...
The first in an occasional series of doubtful disclosures.
INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
From: IR Share Schemes
To: All offices
Subject: Forms 42
You will be aware that the introduction of form 42 caused some consternation in accountancy practices. For some reason, accountants had not realised that these forms would need to be completed for all new companies, despite the clear implication of question 324z in part 16 of the 'Dodgy Share Schemes — Frequently Unanswered Questions' section of the Inland Revenue website.
We are pleased to say that, after a slow start, the forms are now beginning to come in, and we have every reason to suppose that there will be close to 100 per cent compliance by the revised deadline of [Sandra, please check ].
However, the undoubted success of this new reporting requirement has created some catastrophes problems challenges that need to be overcome.
1. The volume of mail arriving at Somerset House has increased significantly. Please note that until further notice the courtyard is reserved solely for the use of Post Office vans. Room 16 is temporarily set aside for the treatment of hernias and back pain. Will all London offices please provide a list of self-employed osteopaths and chiropractors who might be interested in additional freelance income.
2. Room 76 New Wing is now totally full, floor to ceiling, with completed forms 42. Unfortunately, due to the volume of paper, the three staff who are processing the forms cannot currently be located. We know they are in there somewhere, because occasionally we hear muffled screams, but their exact location is uncertain. We are awaiting a team of trained rescue gerbils, which we understand will be able to gnaw an escape tunnel through the piles of paperwork and lead the staff members to safety. This explanation is confidential and should NOT be given to taxpayers or agents who are asked to complete a duplicate form. Please simply explain that the form was 'damaged during processing'.
3. The processed forms need to be stored somewhere. At present they are being housed in the Turbine Hall at Tate Modern, where they are attracting considerable attention from art critics who are under the mistaken impression that they are a new Britart installation. However, we are pleased to announce that new storage facilities have been secured, and that in future requests for information should be addressed to Form 42 Archive, Millennium Dome, Greenwich.
Thank you.
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