A hash up on the catering front this week, requiring an emergency visit to the pet (more on that later) shop. Dogs are allowed in and I love to go and look at the bunnies, but he drags me off to the dog food section.

'OK, Rufie boy, what do you fancy? Lamb and rice, chicken and rice?' No sign of rabbit and rice, so I lick my lips and just sit there looking expectant and thinking of bunnies.

'Hey, what about this?' he says, 'VAT free dog food'.

Coincidentally, I'd recently been thinking about whether my writing, website and tax business — including the CIOT, the Canine Institute of Taxation — should be VAT registered and I'd been reading HMRC's VAT Notice, 701/15, Animals and animal food; in particular section 6.4, 'Food for working dogs'.

This says that 'a product which is claimed as being suitable for all breeds, size and age of dog is standard-rated', but it then goes on: 'if a specially formulated food is held out for sale exclusively for working dogs it will come within the scope of the VAT relief' and then explains that '…dog food (other than biscuit or meal) is zero-rated if it is exclusively for… working sheep dogs of any breed, dogs trained and used as gun dogs, racing greyhounds'.

That seemed a bit 'dogist' to me. Here I am, my own column and  learned tax articles; how can they say that I'm not 'working' just 'cos of my breed or lack thereof?

What does the VAT Act say?

VATA 1994, Schedule 8, Group 1 exempts food, including Item 2 'animal feeding stuffs' (sounds tasty don't it?). But Excepted Item 6 takes out of the exemption 'pet foods … and biscuits and meal for cats (ggrrrhhh) and dogs'.

But, perhaps there's a glimmer of hope. There is no definition of 'pet' in the VAT Act, although the tribunal in Popes Lane Pet Food Supplies suggested that a pet is 'an animal which is kept primarily as an object of affection'.

My only object of affection is that little brown Labrador, Ella. And I don't think him indoors sees me 'primarily as an object of affection', in fact — now I think of it — the whole idea that he might is making me feel decidedly iffy.

That seems to be the secret then, as long as I make sure that he has no affection for me, I should be OK with this VAT free food. I just need to give him a few bites on the ankles when he's trying to comb me; that and perhaps the occasional 'accident' around the house should settle matters.

Now, just remind me, who do I send this invoice to?

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