The UK200Group of accountants and lawyers crushed my spirit this morning.

The member association’s press release about HMRC’s desire to be allowed to break the legal speed limit got me wishing the pubs here in Sutton were licensed to open at 8.30am.

“HMRC as an emergency service? Is this to enable them to deliver tax repayments speedily to tax payers? [sic] This is an example of our bureaucracy (together with the EU) considering themselves to be above the law of the land that the rest of us have to obey,” opined Mr I, whose identity has been concealed here to spare his embarrassment.

He was joined in his sub- Daily Expres s-style rant by Mr M: “Increasingly, there are worrying signs in [HMRC’s] day-to-day practice that their officials do not stick to the law at all…  Perhaps there has been a name change at HMRC without telling anyone? Does it now stand for HM Rogues & Chancers?”

HM Rogues & Chancers! Laugh? No, of course I didn’t. What I did do was reach for the bottle of eau de toilette I keep in my desk drawer.

As I brought it to my lips, the morning sunshine glinting cruelly off the glass and into my tear-filled eyes, I hoped the alcohol content was high enough to put me into a dreamless sleep for the rest of the working day.

And then I wondered if anyone at UK200Group had bothered to read the Department of Transport consultation paper that covers HMRC’s application and at no point mentions tax.

Had commentator Mr W bothered to notice that it is only customs officials, with their police-like powers to tackle smuggling and arrest criminals and that, who want to be able to legally drive their unmarked cars really, really quickly?

Or did he read the government document carefully before bleating, “Surely, even the dimmest criminal would notice if he had a tax inspector in hot pursuit or if a van with blacked-out windows were to turn up with tyres squealing and then try to look inconspicuous as its occupants secretly video the comings and goings of the suspects”? (In fact, has he ever seen a cop movie?)

I decided not to swig from my bottle of Aqua by Marks and Spencer. It would’ve made my breath stink.

As I sit, instead, in the Taxation office waiting for the Cock & Bull to open its doors, I find time only to reiterate the fact that the UK200Group comprises accountants and lawyers.

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