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Whistleblower
THAT CONFIDENTIAL MEMO that was accidentally left in the photocopier, the e-mail sent 'Reply all' by mistake — they all make their way to Whistleblower. Or so he says ...
BY PALANTIR
(FIRST CLASS)
From: Sauron the Dark Lord of Mor-rr-dor-rr
To: Saruman the Slightly Grubby
Subject: ORCs
Whistleblower
THAT CONFIDENTIAL MEMO that was accidentally left in the photocopier, the e-mail sent 'Reply all' by mistake — they all make their way to Whistleblower. Or so he says ...
BY PALANTIR
(FIRST CLASS)
From: Sauron the Dark Lord of Mor-rr-dor-rr
To: Saruman the Slightly Grubby
Subject: ORCs
For many years now our armies have fought each other to a standstill, battling for supremacy in this land. Now my far-seeing eye has chanced upon a new power that has arisen, deadlier even than yours or mine. From the mighty White Hall, a new army of ORCs has sallied forth, spreading fear and despair through the simple traders of the Shires. Mightier than an Elf King, more fearsome than a Balrog, is this ORC — an Officer of Revenue and Customs.
Only a few months ago they were two separate armies, with different powers. One group was the Men of VAT, and lived in the Beamed House of the New King. The other was known by the dwarfish runes 'HMIT' and they lived over the waters in the House where Summer Sets. From their separate fastnesses they cast their baleful eyes over the land, watching for those who breached their ordinances.
Their Dark Riders roamed the towns and villages, putting citizens to the Enquiry. Few could deny their demands, and many sacks of dwarf gold were paid into their Treasury. Halifax fell to the Men of VAT, and the improvident Scots to the HMIT. Yet still some stout-hearted mortals would resist them and win - the Spencers of the Mark won famous victories over their divided forces, and their war cry of 'chocolate tea cakes' turned the blood of the Men of VAT to water.
But they are divided no more. That which was broken has been forged anew into one fearsome weapon, the two halflings made into one whole. Their separate circles of influence have been combined by a mighty deed, the Commissioners for Revenue and Customs Act, giving all the ORCs access to the fell powers that once were kept separate. One Act to rule them all, one Act to find them, one Act to bring them all, and to the Var Nee bind them.
We cannot defeat them alone. It is time to put aside our differences and unite, lest we find ourselves o'erwhelmed. Summon your forces from the depths of Isengard, and I will bring mine from the Mount of Doom. The tale that once was over now begins again …
P.S. If you take the book rights, I'll do the film, OK?
